sails minus wind

where to begin?
i've been sitting at the keyboard for minutes. not moving. unable to really process the strange feeling of numbness.
nothing shocking, nothing totally outlandish or completely unexpected, just a heavy heavy left hook that connected hard. followed by a fast right jab that pretty much took my eye out.
what to do?

when the project you have worked on for a year and a half suddenly comes to a screeching halt. when the backbone account, your account is told it has no product. what happens?
i feel fine. i feel ok. i know there will be changes, but there is still a lot to do. i know i am expected to play a larger role. i know i will have to get more organized, but, i optimistically think, now there will be time.

i feel fine. i feel ok. i really do. i have always been able to roll with the punches.

at least when the punches are coming from one direction.

and then i find out he's with someone else.
again, not surprising, not completely unexpected, but it still feels like a betrayal, because what was all the fussing about over me a couple of months ago, why were you trying to pull me back in when you were clearly done? what were you trying to prove?

and the one-two gets me.
and i'm down for the count.

thankfully the count is only 3, and i'm almost 10 times that far along

xo
alyce